Just when i thought i was living, I begin to feel like my life is becoming a bit meaningless and empty. 

Now that i have no time or am too exhausted to spend time with God, i regret the times that i was simply just too lazy to do it.

Jesus in a box.

This is my journal entry from 4/26/2011, it's tough cause I've been thinking about this past summer so much, and the upcoming summer as well, but i thought i would share it.


"Three hundred and twenty-six. 
That's the number of days it has been since i arrived at the place that has changed my life. Twice;


Once as a camper.
Once as a work crewer.


I honestly still think about it every single day and i miss it fervently. I just felt so complete there, I felt so close to God. It seemed like he was always present there. Like he lived there. But i think i tried to leave him there. I put my unfathomably big God in a box and left Him there at Rockbridge for the next time I came back. Not as if i knew when that would be...


Now I desperately need to get Him out of that box, but it seems as if I've forgotten how to open it. I sit here everyday and struggle to open it, clawing at it until my fingers bleed. Sometimes i can rip enough open to take small peeks inside, but i find it's hard to see much through my tired, tear-blurred eyes. So i give up, and leave the box for another time, for another merciless day.


It seems that I've forgotten what I wrote in my journal exactly 10 months ago today,


                    "Jesus doesn't just live @Rockbridge."


A simple statement, written in the middle of the page, with no context. It's like He knew i would need that sentence later on. But why do i so often forget it? Why can't i just trust that it's true? And why can't i get this fucking box open?! I just want to feel Him like i did back in June. I just want to feel something. I want my best friend out of that box."

I was going to write a post tonight, but I feel like I've lost all my words. I don't know what to say.

Barack Obama...

...is a Jedi. I knew it. I knew it the whole time!

My feelings written on a McDonald's napkin

I can’t put into words what I’m thinking
Most of the time.
Hanging on the edge, looking out
Over the possibilities and the
Plethora of opportunities that
Exist for my life in its current state.
Lets take a couple steps back now
Examine everything that is
Set out in front of me here.
Something’s telling me I need to
Let my heart win this time,
Yet everything else is saying,
Imagine what would happen if you did.
Now I'm just stuck, with a little over a year
Left to untangle this mess
Of life and love that I'm wrapped up in
Vagueness is settling into the future but
Eventually it all will become clear

you are loved.

You are of so much value. Know you are loved.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, 

for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth 

and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete 

expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand 

on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you 

close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications 
© 1999-2010 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

God is love.

Happy Valentines Day! :)

Se...Seee...Sen...SENIOR?!

Senior course request form?! TOO SOON. I am so not ready for this. Not like Eastwood cares, it's due Friday and i still haven't gotten one signature. I still honestly have no idea what i want to do with my senior year, or the rest of my life for that matter. I mean i feel like i was just in preschool making sheep art with cotton balls and toothpicks, and now i have to start looking at colleges? This is crazy. 

One big decision that i can't make is whether i want to do PSO at BGSU again or not. It has been the best experience i could ask for, and i love being on campus. I love the people that you meet at college, hanging out with people before classes, and the lack of drama that exists in college. The last one is my favorite :) But on the other hand, i want to have the best senior year possible, it's my last year and i want to leave my mark at Eastwood. I feel like with PSO i'm not at the school as much, which is weird. Then i just have the decision of the classes i want to take. Which is a whole 'nother obstacle course. 

I don't want to think about my future, i just want it to happen.

Random thoughts from GFT on a lovely Sunday morning :)

1. I am sort of glad i didn't go to church this morning. I've had a lot on my mind and of course sitting there for an hour and a half is just an excuse for daydreaming. Instead i got to have a date with Jesus at Grounds for Thought. It was great to get some things off of my chest :)

2. Theres a guy sitting next to me at grounds that is folding at least 50 large sheets of paper in half. He looks like his name could be Neil. I don't know what he is going to do with them. Currently he is talking fairly loudly on his phone. *turns ipod volume up* haha. I'm actually just sitting here waiting to see what he does with them. He has an exact-o knife and a ruler. I envy the fact that he is eating chocolate covered coffee beans, because they are my favorite coffee related item.

3. I'm listening to Garrison Dale on my Ipod, reminiscing about Work Crew and all the awesome people i met there. I love the song Hope. "Breath of life rush into my lungs, you have broken me down, now you're building me up, and honestly i need to swallow my pride, i've been drawn out of darkness, and into the wonderful light." Looooove it :)

4.  The smell of coffee is making me hungrier by the minute. I don't know what it is about GFT but it's the only place where the strong smell of coffee is acceptable for my nose. But for some unknown reason, it's givin' me tummy the rumblies.

5. Neil the paper folder just caught me staring at him. His fault, he is so intriguing.

6. I just had to relocate because my computer was dying. Now sitting in front of a cute old man who fell asleep reading a Stephen King novel.

7. In 5 minutes i will be leaving to go hang with Johnny Shumay, my childhood bestfriend. Oh how i miss the days of fruity pebbles for dinner and playing king of the trampoline for hours.

Peace out blogger! :)

52 cups of coffee, 52 conversations, in one year

So the other day i ran across this blog about a girl who is celebrating her 22 year of life by drinking 52 cups of coffee. But not just any ol' cup of joe. Every week for a year, she sits down for a cup of coffee and conversation with someone she has never met before. She writes about what she learns from these people along the way. Pretty cool, huh? You never know what a cup of coffee can lead to :)

Check out her blog here: 52 Cups of Coffee

#122. Try Frog-legs

Frogs are cool. But eating them is kind of weird. Up until Friday night i had never seen frog legs on a menu anywhere! Then we went to a newer restaurant in town and guess what the first thing i see is?! FROG LEGS. So i closed my menu, because that was what i was getting. I guess the orange and lemon slice were added to my plate for extra pizazz. It was interesting to say the least, definitely not what i expected for some reason! I still have a couple in the fridge to eat for lunch. Yum! I don't think i will get them again any time soon, but at least they didn't make it onto my disliked foods list! :)

Oh and contrary to what i believed, they did NOT taste like chicken :D

For an updated version of my bucket list, go here: Sarah's Kickass Life List

I've got a pocket full of sunshine

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." --  Victor Hugo

Music plays a tremendous role in my life, whether i am listening to it, making it, or sharing it. The way music can make me feel so many different emotions is brilliant. It brings me energy, ecstasy, tears, nostalgia, joyfulness, memories, and so much more. I feel for every aspect, event, and emotion in my life, there is a piece of music. And for the past couple months there have been 5 songs that have almost exactly spelled out my feelings and thoughts. Once i figured out that the song fit my emotions perfectly, i would have it on replay for weeks:

1. O Love That Will Not Let Me Go - Indelible Grace
So this is the song we sang at Work Crew for Younglife camp, on Summer Staff/Work Crew night. Singing this in front of hundreds of campers along with the best friends in the world was the greatest, most unforgettable feeling i have ever experienced. I would give anything to be sitting on that stage again, looking out into a crowd of many brand new brothers and sisters. Absolutely incredible. After WC i listened to this song daily, and multiple times daily at that. I was on such a God high after returning home and it lasted for a good couple months. I was truly in love with God, and i was living out the lyrics: O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee

2. Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade
After the high wore off, things started to go downhill. Staying in contact with all my friends from WC became extremely hard with school starting, and everyone going back to "regular life." Sometime in the first few weeks after school started, i heard this song. The wave of emotions that came over me were to great to handle. I cried. Not because of some relationship gone sour, but because of the line, "You're all that i hoped i'd find, in every single way...nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away." It hit me in two ways. One because of all my friends. They were all i had been looking for. I longed for someone to truly care about my life, and about how my day went, and they were it. They loved me so much. But now i felt like they were so far away. And two, with God. I felt like a wall had been put up between us. All of these doubts started to flow into my mind, and i just felt like God was farther away than ever. These two things felt so far out of reach and i was miserable.

3. Jesus Walks - Kanye West
So after a couple months of not praying, or talking to God at all, i realized that i needed to do something, but i just didn't know what. I had felt so disconnected from Him for so long, i just didn't know if he would listen to me again. I struggled with this for a while, not knowing what to do or who to talk to about it. Would anyone care like my WC friends did? I was going thought some Julia Nunes videos on a particularly depressing day, and heard her do a cover of this song. I was hooked. I already had it on my ipod, so of course it was on replay for weeks. I still listen to it almost daily. The line "I wanna talk to God but i'm afraid 'cause we ain't spoke in so long," was exactly what i felt. Kanye couldn't have said it any better. I was afraid to talk to God. Why? Just months before i was so in love with Him, and now i felt i didn't know what to say to him.

4. Do You Realize - The Flaming Lips
I specifically remember the first time i heard this song, i walking to class on a cloudy day, with my Ipod on and ear buds in, of course. I hadn't had the best night with my family before, and was kinda down. As I'm walking along this song comes on. Now this is the first time i had heard it, because i had just thrown on a bunch of songs from a friend. I was so blown away. Hearing, "Do you realize, that you have the most beautiful face," i felt like Jesus was there, he came back, and was singing to me. He was singing to ME right through my freakin' ear buds! For some reason, i felt moved by this. I REALIZED. God had never left me at all. And i realized i needed Him desperately.

5. Awake my Soul - Mumford and Sons
I first heard of M&S on my friends pandora playlist. I instantly fell in love with Little Lion Man, and soon added most of their songs to my Ipod. When i heard this one, i couldn't help but think about God.


"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life"


"Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker"

This song made my heart hurt in the best way possible. This song is beautiful. I desperately needed a soul awakening. I needed to reevaluate where i was investing my love, which was unfortunately not God. So i did just that. This song truly has changed my heart in the last couple weeks. I have begun to invest my love in God again, spending time with Him, and in his word. It has been amazing.

......And guess what song has been on replay on my Ipod for the last week? Pocket Full of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield. 

Things are getting better! :)