"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." -- Victor Hugo
Music plays a tremendous role in my life, whether i am listening to it, making it, or sharing it. The way music can make me feel so many different emotions is brilliant. It brings me energy, ecstasy, tears, nostalgia, joyfulness, memories, and so much more. I feel for every aspect, event, and emotion in my life, there is a piece of music. And for the past couple months there have been 5 songs that have almost exactly spelled out my feelings and thoughts. Once i figured out that the song fit my emotions perfectly, i would have it on replay for weeks:
1. O Love That Will Not Let Me Go - Indelible Grace
So this is the song we sang at Work Crew for Younglife camp, on Summer Staff/Work Crew night. Singing this in front of hundreds of campers along with the best friends in the world was the greatest, most unforgettable feeling i have ever experienced. I would give anything to be sitting on that stage again, looking out into a crowd of many brand new brothers and sisters. Absolutely incredible. After WC i listened to this song daily, and multiple times daily at that. I was on such a God high after returning home and it lasted for a good couple months. I was truly in love with God, and i was living out the lyrics: O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee
2. Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade
After the high wore off, things started to go downhill. Staying in contact with all my friends from WC became extremely hard with school starting, and everyone going back to "regular life." Sometime in the first few weeks after school started, i heard this song. The wave of emotions that came over me were to great to handle. I cried. Not because of some relationship gone sour, but because of the line, "You're all that i hoped i'd find, in every single way...nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away." It hit me in two ways. One because of all my friends. They were all i had been looking for. I longed for someone to truly care about my life, and about how my day went, and they were it. They loved me so much. But now i felt like they were so far away. And two, with God. I felt like a wall had been put up between us. All of these doubts started to flow into my mind, and i just felt like God was farther away than ever. These two things felt so far out of reach and i was miserable.
3. Jesus Walks - Kanye West
So after a couple months of not praying, or talking to God at all, i realized that i needed to do something, but i just didn't know what. I had felt so disconnected from Him for so long, i just didn't know if he would listen to me again. I struggled with this for a while, not knowing what to do or who to talk to about it. Would anyone care like my WC friends did? I was going thought some Julia Nunes videos on a particularly depressing day, and heard her do a cover of this song. I was hooked. I already had it on my ipod, so of course it was on replay for weeks. I still listen to it almost daily. The line "I wanna talk to God but i'm afraid 'cause we ain't spoke in so long," was exactly what i felt. Kanye couldn't have said it any better. I was afraid to talk to God. Why? Just months before i was so in love with Him, and now i felt i didn't know what to say to him.
4. Do You Realize - The Flaming Lips
I specifically remember the first time i heard this song, i walking to class on a cloudy day, with my Ipod on and ear buds in, of course. I hadn't had the best night with my family before, and was kinda down. As I'm walking along this song comes on. Now this is the first time i had heard it, because i had just thrown on a bunch of songs from a friend. I was so blown away. Hearing, "Do you realize, that you have the most beautiful face," i felt like Jesus was there, he came back, and was singing to me. He was singing to ME right through my freakin' ear buds! For some reason, i felt moved by this. I REALIZED. God had never left me at all. And i realized i needed Him desperately.
5. Awake my Soul - Mumford and Sons
I first heard of M&S on my friends pandora playlist. I instantly fell in love with Little Lion Man, and soon added most of their songs to my Ipod. When i heard this one, i couldn't help but think about God.
"In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life"
"Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker"
This song made my heart hurt in the best way possible. This song is beautiful. I desperately needed a soul awakening. I needed to reevaluate where i was investing my love, which was unfortunately not God. So i did just that. This song truly has changed my heart in the last couple weeks. I have begun to invest my love in God again, spending time with Him, and in his word. It has been amazing.
......And guess what song has been on replay on my Ipod for the last week? Pocket Full of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield.
Things are getting better! :)
